Me, A Mom

3 kids and a dog

Archive for the tag “life”

Meeting our Children where they are

Whether we have a 3 year old or a 15 year old

Whether they are developing normally or are having difficulties

we need to meet them….where they are

that is not an easy concept

so often we expect things of our children.

Whether it’s room cleaning, putting away dishes, or packing their own lunch

We assume they should be able, or should automatically know from seeing us.

We expect them to do things we have seen other children perhaps even siblings of our child doing

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and we think, say …”why can’t you do that….________ can”

I am still guilty of this

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and I look back

and see expectations I’ve set that were not appropriate

and now that we have a diagnosis of High Functioning Autism/Asperger’s for my 15 year old

I know why

he was not able to do some of what were asking

he was not defiant(most of the times)

he was not cantankerous (at least not all the time)

I have spent much of the last 13 years teaching and reteaching, simple tasks, simple social skills, simple thoughts

I have noticed my daughter is much more observant about household duties than either of the boys(who couldn’t care less which cupboard the bowls go in, or how laundry is folded)

but the boys know lots of facts about world news and products( something my daughter doesn’t care about)

So it’s hard teaching a 15 year old to once again…not touch the serving spoon to the plate you eat off of

or

wash hands before getting food out of a container

or

put wet swim clothes/towels in hamper…not under bed.. for the umpteenth time

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and that’s where my learning sets in

I am learning

to be patient

to reteach in different ways

watch Temple talk about Teachable moments

to be compassionate

to teach things thoughts, feelings, actions, in a way that the Autistic/Asperger’s mind understands.

I’ve been reading a lot by Temple Grandin

in her books she is insistent that manners be expected and taught of all kids on the spectrum

that consistency is important

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(yay I’ve done something right)

she also focuses  a lot on teaching to how the child learns.(which some teachers are better at than others, so if you have the option of watching how teachers teach and interact you should do that before placing your child in a classroom)

Temple has so many words of wisdom in her books.

Why are her books so great??

because She has Autism…..and yet she is able to put into words the thoughts behind some of the behaviors we see in autistic children.

her doing that putting into words what our children cannot yet do helps us understand, empathize with our children….and then work in as many different ways possible to reach them and help them grow to be successful adults

it

after seeing behaviors in my son that I have questioned to doctors and teachers for a good 10 years or so ….now that we have the diagnosis ….it’s all making sense….I and my son are not going crazy….he has a neurological condition that affects the connections in his brain that changes how he sees the world compared to what Aperger/autistic people  call nuerotypical people.

I don’t have a full handle on him and his behaviors, or his occasional outbursts.

but now I know why

and

now

I can do my best

(albeit far from perfect)

to Meet him where he is.

keeping sane

I know we are so much more blessed than so much of the world

and yet

there are days

when I wonder

where did we go wrong??

in the midst of whining

arguing

fighting

the kids seem at times almost to HATE each other

then the next day they play together all day.

no medium if they

aren’t arguing with each other

they are most surely  plotting against the parents!

but right now they are playing on games they got for christmas(settlers of catan)

and are leaving me alone…with my coffee and paper.

I relish the alone time

and yet I know

all too soon

it really will be

all the time.

and I’ll miss their “mom he hit me’s”

and

“mom she’s saying lies again”

so I guess I’ll try to appreciated right where I am

in the middle

literally

Yes …..even this busy mom finds time to read

I recently read ( and reviewed) a book titled “Jewel” by Bret Lott.

and if you are at all into reading (it’s an Oprah’s book club book) I highly recommend you pick it up at your local book store or library.

If you are now or have ever dealt with an ill child that required all your time and devotion  whether that illness was acute or chronic  this book will fill your heart with all the words and emotions you think but have never quite been able to put words to.

read my review here

 

This book especially spoke volumes to me as I have 3 children,

2 of them have food allergies one to dairy, eggs, tree-nuts, and peanuts(and one just eggs, tree-nuts and peanuts)

the one with slightly fewer allergies also fights asthma and eosinophilic esophagitus.

its been a long 11 years some times

and I wouldn’t trade any of them

 

but again

 

this book gets to the heart of a mom

the sacrifices she makes in regards to her marriage, and her other children

all to help the one child get the best help possible

 

If you are a parent/mom/grandparent   or even just human

you will find yourself feeling what Jewel is feeling…..

empathizing with her

despising her

loving her

and in the end

respecting her.

 

do yourself a favor….read the book!

 

who what when where why???

Who:

I’m a mom to 3 kids(we always call them kids right?)

 

What(you’ll find in this blog)

thoughts on motherhood/parenthood/spousehood

information on dealing with food allergies…my way

Where?  right here on this blog!

Why? because if what I’ve learned benefits even just one person …that makes life worthwhile!

 

Be Watching for my posts in the coming weeks

 

thanks

E.S.

 

 

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