Me, A Mom

3 kids and a dog

Archive for the category “opinion”

Fears of daily living

Look,

it’s a fact

life is full of things that can

and

do happen

you know:

“Why do bad things happen to good people”

no…autism/aspergers is not bad but it is  a huge change

a change in how you think about actions and reactions

an everyday, uphill battle at times not just for the one diagnosed but for the whole family

I digress….

When bad things happen to good people

 you buck up

you learn to deal

Image result for learn to deal with aspergers

and you go on with the daily task at hand

…living…

but once that diagnosis comes through the door

on top of multiple other medical problems and issues for that child.

and you need to start researching

and then doing

and following through

and constant checking and rechecking

there is an unending indescribable level of anxiety

am I doing enough

am I teaching enough

Image result for constant anxiety

will my actions lead to my child being able to live on his own???

only time will tell.

until then…

Image result for carry on quotes

carry on.

Light it up BLUE for autism awareness

Autism is becoming more and more common
more boys than girls….does that mean it’s a recessive thing??
when girls “get it” it seems to be more severe

is there something in our food source affecting people
our often overuse of medications
medications getting into the water supply from “toilet dumping”
something that happened in the womb???


science doesn’t know though they are examining many theories

we may never know the cause

but what is important is that those of us with loved ones with autism

that we keep reaching out to them, to make connections, on their level and that we try to have understanding that


even though they may not reciprocate in the way we would like

that they know they are important to us and that we love them

as a parent

we must do everything possible to get them ready to function in a world that is not often “autism friendly”

they must learn how to act/adapt/behave in a world that does not always make sense to them
autism is (for my son) a diagnosis, finally a reason for his behaviors, thoughts, actions….not an excuse….

so for that reason…..for awareness……

thank you to all who light it up blue!

from autism speaks :https://www.autismspeaks.org/liub

check out this blog from Dallas news

http://specialneedsblog.dallasnews.com/2015/04/light-it-up-blue-for-world-autism-awareness-day.html/

#LIUB

My Gray Stone

I am taking a MOOC through ed.x on spirituality and sensuality, how objects enhance beliefs/feelings through the 5 senses the course is led by S. Brent Plate

Ella Surreau is my online”persona” so if perchance Brent makes it to this page he’ll be like  who???  but I wanted to share this story with all of you so …here goes…

 

the following was an assignment about stones we could choose the stone be it a gravestone, an altar or something less specific the following is what I wrote:

I considered writing about the altar stone in church, but my desire to be creative led me to the stone sitting in the unused bird feeder in our yard.
It comes from my husbands grandparents yard, the last one had died and when we came I saw that each fence post had a stone on it, this one spoke to me and I asked if I could have it…with a resounding “of course” it came home with us.


….that said I often imagined why each fence post had a stone on top and this is MY STORY of this stone came to me…


My Gray Stone.
His hands were younger then, as he worked the ground, starting a garden for his not long in coming family of 7. This was before the arthritis set in before he hairline started receding and many years before cancer would take him from this earth. He worked the shovel back and forth and further down, removing cold sod with his hands. Working faster still, it was the end of the day the setting sun was painting the sky in a vibrant fuchsia, “Just one more hole and tomorrow we can set the fence posts” that’s when in a final thrust he stomped on the shovel in an attempt to dig a little deeper and that’s when he hit the stone. It made him shake, he would say that’s what caused his sciatica. Unable to dislodge the stone, he dug deeper, wider trying to remove what was keeping him from his destination. Then in a final pry attempt the stone was pulled forth.
Dirty, muddy, set aside, it would wait in the pile for several weeks till the neighbors came by to help set the fence. Then one by one, the stones were chosen, set on top of the 6 inch wide diameter logs that made up the fence.
This rock was on the second from the left. He put it there because he did not want it knocked down by someone carelessly walking around the corner of the garden.
This of course all happened before I walked on this earth. It happened in a different place, a different time. A time when man valued simple things, simple life, a simple beauty in the nature of the rock.
As the old man aged, he would walk with his dog along the garden fence. Reflecting on the family he raised, the crops he grew, and the generations yet to come. He would stall on his way to the stream to fish, and run gnarled fingers over the stone now smoother after years of nature, he admired the sparkles of quartz that would change with the clouds and the wind. In awe he wondered how he had the strength to do what he did when he did.
He would never meet his great grandchildren.
But one day, when this writer is closer to the end of her story, she will tell her children once again where the stone came from originally, the house, by the cemetery, where great-grandfather lived and worked and took pleasure in working the earth, providing for his family, and simply living, while living simply.

Wading through the books on Asperger’s and High Functioning Autism

There are hundred of books maybe even thousands  of books that are all about Asperger’s and High Functioning Autism.

Here is a list from good reads

another from autism resources

these lists are long but, I’m sure not full, as new books are published frequently

I’ve started with 3 just 3 books for right now

please don’t look at this so much as an endorsement…but more of a review on my thoughts on the books listed

I hope at some point in the future to create a chart rating the books on their features…but right now I have more reading to do

The following are the books I have started on.

Living Well on the Spectrum by Valerie L. Gaus. PHd

(think of this book almost an encyclopedia type guide to autism spectrum, it is filled with a lot of useful information…but also a lot you may never use depending on where you fall on the spectrum)

I personally think this book would be better if split into two books,

Book 1: the information

Book 2: more of an accompianing  workbook with  the quizzes, charts, and diagrams

one area of the book I found most helpful and plan to print and hang copies on my sons wall

is a gray box area called: A word about strangers and Aquaintances

this is an area that seems to be pretty common from what I’ve been reading on Autism and Aspergers

people on the spectrum are often too trusting

and

have difficulty defining relationships

also included in chapter 6 are several highly informative charts about how to discern if the person you are talking to or about is a friend or aquaintance, and how to talk to and converse with appropriately

Asperger’s Syndrome by

Tony Attwood

I

like that this book ends nearly every chapter with a concise, boxed in summary.

again not everything in this book applies to everyone on the spectrum, but much of this book applies to everyone(does that make sense?)

the book concludes with FAQ’s and resources, as well as information on diagnostic criteria, and a formal bibliography with other books you may find useful.

Asperger’s Rules by

Blythe Grossberg Psy. D

I decided to order this book, the other two I took notes on but this one is arranged in such a way that I want to be able to reference it more often…with my child.

It is comprised of many short “quizes” and by short I don’t think there is any quiz with more than about 5 questions

these quizes are meant to be

reflective of situations that have happened or

preparatory of situations that may happen

there are some great flow charts

sample/practice/what if dialogues

and is easy to navigate from one chapter to the next

or

to jump around as necessary

so here I am, digging in trying to learn as much as I can as quickly as I can, so we can move forward and prepare my child for the best future possible!

High Functioning Mild Autism/Aspergers

Yes that’s the very recent diagnosis of my 15 year old

something I’ve suspected for oh say 13 years!

because he followed the rules at school and got decent grades

but  was a beast at home fairly often, was not a concern of school personal

and by the way:

we’ve referred to him as Sheldon from big bang ever since the show came out!

but I’m getting off track…

in almost every book I’ve been skimming on autism,  that(different school/home behavior) is one of the most common things there is in autistics

they call it the Jekyll and Hyde symptom

you see they expend so much energy at school trying to appear normal, to perhaps not do their repetitious behavior or not speak out of turn by the time they get home they are mentally exhausted and cannot handle even the slightest stress, and they explode/tantrum/yell etc…

So what to do now??

for the last 12-13 years I have been his main source of therapy, talking about situations, and what set off the tantrum, and what he can do different next time but he is starting to need more than I can offer.

We are still waiting on the official report

so we can present it to the school, complete with suggestions for an IEP or 504 type plan.

which we’ll end up with … no idea…more later

I’ve just started wading through the books out there and one they all have one thing in common

way too much information.

OK  actually just enough information

but the way some of the books present it is overwhelming to wade through

that said I have started compiling information and making small decisions of “therapy” I can start to  add at home

like:

  • exercises in making eye contact
  • story sharing,  what would you do if…etc…
  • more dialogue practicing
  • more review of how day went(we already do quite a bit of this…now it will be in a different way)
  • and that’s enough of a start for now.

 

look for reviews of books I find most helpful to follow in the future.

The Republic

The Republic

(let us make it better for your kids and mine)

 

“I pledge allegiance”, that’s what we had been taught to say, in an assimilation of beliefs that tore us from one regime into another.

Slowly over many years despite or perhaps because of our urge for manifest destiny we slowly went from protecting freedom to taking it away.  We have gone from  guaranteeing rights…

real rights, like making a living wage, practicing the religion we choose, and having safe affordable food among many others…to making sure everyone must  bow to their employer, unquestioning removal of benefits for fear of losing their job, working insane hours in hopes that one day they may afford to retire, to  a future that is full of bills, taxes, and paying for politicians that no longer do what they said they’d do.…That perhaps is what lead to our downfall.

“To the Flag” we’d yell as we played tag on the playgrounds, now, most of those playgrounds stand empty,

in deference to making sure everyone is getting the same education and testing.  We as a nation have forgotten that what makes our nation great is the diversity among us.  That no amount of mathematical testing is going to create better artists, musicians, athletes, …and no amount of “measuring up” linguistically is going to help the child who was a born electrician or plumber.

“Of the United States of America”?  The States of America have never been united except for their desire to be free of England.  The States have disagreed on Slavery , Politics, Religion, Economics, Class systems, and any other hot topic under the sun.  Many

“And to the Republic? For which it stands,”  The republic….an unnatural ideal that was created for unity but in reality causes divisions.  As a humanity of these states of America, too often we allow government to make decisions without giving a second thought.   Decisions that are based on thousand page books of rhetoric  in an attempt to explain the latest law while working to deceive anyone who does not fully understand the implications of the law being made.

“One Nation”?, certainly in name but we don’t move, and act as one.  As a nation we are individuals floundering in an unfriendly sea, caught between trying to do and say the right thing and judging others for not.

“Under  God” we walk, this very creation, the world is God’s, and yet with every step we mismanage, and mistreat so much of God’s creation.  Insensitive, uncaring souls  living under the pretense of their religion so often do their best to exclude anyone who is not part of their class, their political party, their “group”

“Indivisible” we stand in an attempt to show solidarity, we come to the voting polls well…at least 27 % or so of us do.  We vote on single issues rather than making the well-being of society as a whole a priority.  The politicians we “vote” for are handed to us on a platter and eat them up, I like turkey you like steak and she prefers salad.  We are pummeled with misleading ads and information meant to divide us, meant to stir us up….Indivisible…NO! we are already divided.

“With Liberty and Justice for all”, sure if you have a job, and a home, and food to eat and clean clothes to wear.  If you believe what “I” believe, then you deserve Liberty, and then you deserve justice.  If you don’t  I’ll turn my back.  That is what this “great” nation has become.

 

If you really believe what you say while you pledge allegiance then  you should be doing something different to change the world to make the pledge factually accurate to make it real.

 

Amen.

keeping sane

I know we are so much more blessed than so much of the world

and yet

there are days

when I wonder

where did we go wrong??

in the midst of whining

arguing

fighting

the kids seem at times almost to HATE each other

then the next day they play together all day.

no medium if they

aren’t arguing with each other

they are most surely  plotting against the parents!

but right now they are playing on games they got for christmas(settlers of catan)

and are leaving me alone…with my coffee and paper.

I relish the alone time

and yet I know

all too soon

it really will be

all the time.

and I’ll miss their “mom he hit me’s”

and

“mom she’s saying lies again”

so I guess I’ll try to appreciated right where I am

in the middle

literally

the more you know?? …what we really need…

I’ve been seeing a lot of “the more you know” commercials starring various NBC stars….

promoting the encouragement of people becoming teachers…..

and that’s great we need more teachers….

but what we need more than that
are politicians(and people) who
-support the teaching profession
that means:
-stop making our teachers teach towards the tests….
-stop cutting budgets for music, and arts
-stop cutting budgets for teachers in general

-stop demanding 100% success….not all students learn at the same rate…not all students are ready to move on…yet you continue to insist they do.

start:
-supporting our schools
-supporting our teachers
-realizing the value of “great teachers”
-defending the right of our teachers to teach

so yes….we need new teachers

but more than that we
need
the public to be in support of their local schools/teachers

the more you know?

The Reality and sadness of raising a family in the “2,000’s”

I recently felt the need to escape the house for a few hours…alone…

yes I’m married, mostly stay at home mom(though that phrase is a bit of an oxymoron as in this day few SAHM’s are home much)

yes I’ve never been a single parent, and I don’t pretend to know the struggles they have

but

as a MOM one of many moms I think (even a dad) could appreciate the need to get away once in awhile

so that is the reality

the sadness came when I told the person I ran into(social gathering) when she asked

that the kids were with their dad(and then I clarified by saying my husband….well…technically he’s both)

that is a happy good thing, that

-the kids live with both their biological parents

-the parents are married

but the clarification

that not only is the man I live with my husband, but is also my children’s dad

is what saddened me

that I know so many children and families that are in or are affected by broken homes

it saddens me that the reality of the day is

that I cannot trust my words to be misinterpreted

I cannot assume that if I say the kids are with my husband, someone won’t wonder if that person is also their dad

or

If I say the kids are with their dad , I cannot guarantee the person won’t think I’m separated or divorced

to me

that is sad

very sad

that small statement reflects so fully on the reality so many MOMS, DADS, CHILDREN, and  FAMILIES

are dealing with

I offer up prayers for all families, “broken” or “whole”,

I offer up prayers of understanding, for those who need to try harder

I offer up prayers of love, for all those who don’t feel loved

I offer up prayers of peace for all those who are worrying or struggling

I offer up prayers of forgiveness for those who need to give and receive it

I offer up prayers of a happier world, where we can look past differences, and see the love that exists in other’s beyond their vices.

AMEN

Decisions Decisions….

Decisions Decisions

Lately decisions have centered on food

whats for supper

whats for lunch

whats for breakfast

whats for brunch.

With school around the corner

we need to start thinking about what they’ll be taking for lunch

they make their own….as I got sick of their complaining early last year.

but still they want to know what they can take

well…

I broke the bad news.

they can make a sandwich or take left overs

no more cold chicken patties, or baggies of pepperoni

so he’s been sampling left overs cold(he is very fussy )

a meat and potatoes kind of kid

but really

we are in a rut

the same 4 or 5 dishes seem to rotate weekly

and

I AM So Bored

but

the clincher is

I try to cook so food is safe for the whole family

(remember two have food allergies, between them they are allergic to Eggs, Dairy, Peanuts, and tree nuts)

I’ve been cooking this way for 11 years now.

I need new ideas.

so

Comment with your ideas

keeping in mind the allergies

OH

and the middle child…is a deconstructionist he hates his foods to touch!

my boring menu thanks you.

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